September,
I felt the same thing when I read nowheres posts. Respect.
I have faced my dragon the best I can. There is nothing I can do to change my mother. She is who she is. There is nothing I can say that will make her understand. She isn't open to that. It's like a dog chasing it's tale.
I dealt with it by accepting it. Sometimes that's all you can do. She is who she is but I am me. It's what I think that in the end matters. We have to make our own decisions in our life and we have to deal with the consequences good or bad. We learn and grow from our mistakes just as much as from our accomplishments if we choose too.
If I do something and I am proud or happy or feel as though I have made the right choice than that is what matters. It isn't anyones place to judge me and tell me what is right and wrong for me. Of course someone can make a suggestion if they see I am taking the wrong path and I respect that (eventually).
The lack of validation you want is from the one person who couldn't and/or wouldn't. You deserved better than that.
Instead of looking for someone to say "look at me" "look at my accomplsihments" look for yourself. Be good enough for yourself. If you are living your life the way you think you should be living, just what you think and no elses opinions of what you should do or be, then you have accomplished alot.
When my mom would say things that hurt I would try to step back and say "how do I feel". Do I feel that it isn't good enough, do I feel I am making the wrong choice? Most of the time I found that I was happy with what I was doing. Heck, all the time. So, away with the doubts and away with the second guessing. I was being me and that was good.
So, I guess acceptance was my key. I can't change her but I also don't have to live by her rules. I don't have to feel less. I am happy with my choices. Of course I have made some mistakes and some pretty bad ones but I am human.
When I kicked my first husband out of the house because he started drinking again and that just made a bad marriage worse she was SO mad at me and told me that I need to go and tell him to come home. She was ready for a fight from me. I simply and calmly said "this is my decision and I am doing what I think is best for me". She didn't know what to do but she had nothing more to say. When I packed up my life and moved to Norway she wasn't happy about it. She had only met my husband to be for 45 minutes because when he came to visit me for a week she wouldn't see him. She was still waiting for me to call my ex and tell him to come home. I simply said "we are here and I would like you to meet him." eventually she came around but I hadn't given in to her demands. I refuse to let her get to me. Oh, she still does sometimes but then I make a call and talk to someone about it and soon it passes.
I am sad things can't be different. There are so many things my mother doesnt know about me and I would love to share them with her but it will never happen. I accept that.
I put my dragon neatly on a shelf where he can see me. I know he is always there and always will be but he also knows that I am better then him and I can kick his ***** again if I have to.
Think about your life. Are you happy with your choices? Not what she thought but what You thought and wanted. Maybe there are some things you still would like to do in your life, your not dead yet sweetie, you can do them.
There's a place for your dragon next to mine. (they are all talk you know and not that hard to beat up). He could use the company, I don't talk much to him anymore.
A big hug to you,
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley