oh and t, i wish i could briefly come weekly again. but i daren't ask because i feel like you don't even want me there at all anymore. especially since you didn't even look at your calendar thingy before i left the other day. i hope we're still scheduled for 3/29. but i won't email to find out. i'll just show up and if you're there and open the door at 5pm great, if you don't, well i guess i'll just go home, drink a glass of wine, and assume it's time to rip off the band aid and let you go. maybe i really have succeeded in pushing you away finally. that doesn't really totally make sense since we had such a good session the other day, but. the feeling is still there. stupid feelings. i know i know, they're not stupid they just are. And I'm not stupid, I just have these complexes and everybody has them. And it goes back to what I said 6+ years ago, that maybe I just need to get over myself. Easier said than done, I guess, huh.

p.s. yes, i realize i am creating drama where there probably isn't any. realizing when i'm doing it is the first step to stop doing it, right?

p.p.s. i wish i could talk to you tonight.