I told my therapist yesterday I feel like a leper (I make myself a leper), I have tended to stay away from relationships these days because I feel the pain of attachment is too much and I'm also too shy to initiate anyway - plus what it does to me I don't feel I should inflict myself on others

but I still miss intimacy - it's not painful because I don't like it, particularly in the right 'dose'' - just that I don't handle it well in the long run. I think that's why I am slightly in love with my therapist as she is the only person I know that not only really gets this but that I am able to be that intimate with (obviously non sexually).