I have good times and bad times, and I'm talking about stable periods, not the hypomanic or manic ones. It took several years to even get meds that work most of the time, though the dosages have to be tinkered with now and again. Once, I had a 6 month period of stability. It was completely unexpected. That was awesome!

I had difficulty accepting that I was bipolar as well because I was diagnosed with major depression for years and years and somehow the bipolar diagnosis seems to have more stigma attached to it, at least within my family. It's like they can understand depression but not bipolar, and I'm not exactly sure why? And that makes me feel angry and hopeless.

Also, I feel I am a bit messed up after spending 10 years on meds for major depression; sometimes I feel like my brain got re-wired and it's never going back to the way it used to be. Not to mention, I had to see a state-run place for low-income people that really overmedicated me for depression and anxiety while in graduate school, and I think that did a real number on my brain.

I did start doing better once I got on meds that worked for me. For example, a lot of BP people do well on Abilify, and I did not. There are some people who can just take Lamictal, but I need to use Lamictal with other meds for it to help me. There were some other meds my pdoc tried me on too that didn't work, and then when she found something that helped a little, she had to find the right dosage. I'd say it was a good 5 years from the diagnosis of bipolar until I got to that 6 month stable period. I still have times I feel like a shell of myself, especially when I'm depressed or having panic attacks (I have panic disorder too). I really, really want to find myself in a period of stability like I had that 6 months. Now that I've experienced it, I do know that it is possible for me, so I am not giving up on getting the meds or treatment just yet.