I began therapy because of serious clinical depression about 17 years ago. At the time, I didn't realize (or my therapist) how long I would need to stay in therapy. Developing trust and opening up were very hard for me. It took literally years to learn to trust my therapist enough to share certain things.
As I did so, my therapist noticed more and more traumatic experiences I've been through, and how they have had a negative effect on almost every part of my adult life. So we work on those things.

For me, therapy has never been a smooth and easy ride. People who think therapy is just about being validated and soothed with "oh, you poor thing" mentality are so wrong. My therapist and I have always worked hard on my issues. No lollygagging around.

I feel shame sometimes for being in therapy so long, but I need it. I have GAD, C-PTSD, and DID. I am also the breadwinner of the family. My husband has been disabled for the past 10 years with numerous, potentially fatal health problems, as well as bipolar disorder that he can't be medicated for. Also, my husband's mom died recently, and she was almost the only person who was consistently in our lives that we were very close to. His dad is elderly and will increasingly need help as time goes on. In addition, my husband and I are near retirement age now, and we have no kids or grandkids to spend time with or to help us out when we need it. Social support is very, very slim as well.

I'm sorry if I sound like a whiner. That wasn't my intention. I think I am trying to justify (maybe even to myself) why I've been in therapy so long. I sometimes feel like I must be a very strange person or incredibly weak for needing therapy this long. I mentally kick myself often for not "being strong enough not to need it." But I don't think I could stay functional and keep working full-time with all of the stress and issues in my life without therapy. As I work through my childhood traumas from the past, the present keeps dropping more doggy-do piles in my way.

My t plans to retire in the next year or two, and I shudder to think about starting over with somebody else after being with my t for 17 years. Not only will it be extremely hard to terminate with her, but I don't know if I can start all over with somebody else. It takes forever for me to trust.