Sorry if this is not well structured, I just want to vent somewhere or something like that...

Came into the room, did my usual roll up on the chair that is nowhere big enough to properly do this. T asked about my week, I gave him a run down of all the ****** things that happened or that I was randomly scared of during the last few days.

Then I got quiet. He asked me what I was currently feeling? I said I was sad. We talked about that feeling for a minute or two, during which I switched to angry, sad again and feeling empty. He said a goal of therapy would be to learn to stay with emotions.

While we talked about that, I started to feel sad again. I told him, and he asked me how I could tell, and what I was thinking about. Which was nothing. I said I was frustrated that I couldn't talk, because I didn't know why that was. I said I feel like crying but can't. He told me it's alright to be frustrated and to just talk about whatever comes to my mind. We talked about how my body was feeling, what emotions therer were and so on. I don't quite remember what happened, but I laid down even more. He said it might be good to cry, that it can be calming and help. At some point I started something like sobbing without tears, while he tried to be as comforting as he can. He even offered me a tissue (he doesn't have tissues in his office, nor has he ever offered me one before). It was a horrible feeling to just sit there and feel sad but not being able to cry.

He talked a bit about the change in the intensity of an emotions while you are staying with it, and I mostly just nodded, I couldn't really talk. A couple of times he asked me whether I was feeling better, and when I said no the last time he sounded really sad when he answered to that...

He asked me to look at him twice. I told him it hurts to do that, but he said I should try anyways. Once it helped a tiny bit, the other time I started to feel worse again and broke down again.

We then talked for a while about how other people have emotions too, and how I we all sometimes struggle with ups and downs. He has been talking about this for a while now, to make me feel less alone. He then also said that sometimes I evoke emotions in him and how he tries to process them and "give them back". I'm not sure whether he started talking about this because he sounded sad before, at least I didn't comment on it.

We said goodbye after an hour, which really surprised me given that I didn't talk for more than maybe 10% of that time.