Reading the rest of the thread now.

So yeah, same. Umm, I actually am starting to feel like now that I'd like to work full time, but this is funny because at the same time I am most unable to work lately. But I at least have genuinely started feeling like I'd be up for full time work if only I didn't keep falling apart, while in the past, if I'm honest, I did dread the idea.

I know what you mean by it sounding terrible. I just had to accept it myself, and I did cut back before when it was too much. Yes, financially it was possible too. Right now I can't afford cutting back though (long story). It's really better when you can afford that. And yeah, don't beat up yourself over it.

Give it time, yes, like I said in my other post too.

The thing though is, I find it was not good to cut back TOO MUCH either. It would make me fall back to a worse state. It's just about finding that sweet spot of challenge, but not too much challenge, I guess. This was never a problem before I became mentally ill, it still can take me unprepared to discover that my work capacity - and capacity for doing anything, for going outside my head, instead of getting stuck in my inner stuff going on and/or falling apart etc - is unavailable. It's just hard to figure out when I am able to do something and when I'm not able to. Seems like you have managed that part already, great!

But again, the solution to this whole issue is keep challenging yourself, don't step back too much, while also not overloading yourself too much. It's much like sports training, I guess. Do it harder than usual sometimes to extend your limits, and overall keep up a consistent tolerable load.

EDIT: yeah, I read the whole thread now, and I see you used the same sports analogy lol.