Please don't give up on looking for a therapist. Do you attend a church? Just asking because some ministers have some training in Pastoral Counseling and can be very helpful.

Anyone suggesting you be locked up for life is obviously very wrong. Try not to judge other potential therapists on your experience with that one.

I am very sorry about the loss of your neighbor and your grief.
I hope you can find someone to help you in processing grief.
I also hope it gets easier for you.

WC