((lizardqueen)), first, welcome to PC and the PTSD forum. I can see you are trying very hard to understand what complex ptsd is, what that means to you and you want to find the fastest way to get rid of the symptoms you are experiencing. I cannot say enough that "patience" is very important to maintain as it will take you time to slowly work through all that you have in your history that has contributed to your struggling with this challenge. I am sorry you experience triggers that end up getting you into a low state and it can be extra frustrating when you don't quite understand what triggered it and why. You have to give yourself time and be patient while different things start to surface and eventually you will have a better understanding of what it all means. Please understand that what you are dealing with took place a long time ago and it's going to take you time to slowly understand it all and I know that can be frustrating and tiring and even scary.
I hear you, have felt that way myself and I am certain other members can relate to having that same feeling. The only way you are going to get to understanding is when you finally understand all the pieces and it's going to take time for you to have them all as when it's complex ptsd, that means you experienced things that you were too young to understand or even know not only what it meant, that it was toxic and dysfunctional and the personal affect whatever it was actually had on you and what in the now can aggravate it.

Each person is different depending on what their history was for them. Patience with self along with self care and taking time out if need be is a must as you slowly work through it all.

(((Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE