I also think I just was/felt unconsciously neglected for so long that I do not understand it now and take it all negative if someone doesn't do "good enough treatment" towards me, especially if that's someone I care so much about and where I did suppress a lot of feelings of feeling neglected about whatever stuff and other feelings of stress in general (taking on a lot of stressful tasks for these people, trying to solve their problems etc).

I mean, sure maybe these people did not act the best way, maybe they even ignored my feelings sometimes, yes, then at other times they did care, and I cannot follow it anymore, as to how much they really care, because when I try to express it when I feel negative about something, that just doesn't seem to go well.

My issue is I do not know how to get past all these feelings.

It's like all other people know how to relate to others without seeing every negative bit as catastrophic or something. And I don't know how to and I don't know how I even got into this state where I see things like this and react like this. I DON'T KNOW WTF IS GOING ON WITH THIS?

It is like I am psychotic almost. I did have two psychotic episodes before and I've been trying to get back to normal since then and of course I don't have delusions or disorganized thinking etc now but all this just feels like the emotional part of me is psychotic anyway, even if other parts of me are no longer psychotic. That part of me is just seriously out of touch with reality, and the more I care about someone, the worse.

Am I making any sense to anyone here?