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Old Mar 18, 2018, 10:06 PM
Anonymous48690
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
my therapist tells me that non dissociative people multi task and think about many things at once too. since being integrated I have found out that this is true, my wife will be taking care of a child, while getting dinner, while answering my question, and selecting her next days clothing, all the wile keeping each of these thoughts and actions on track and appropriate. my co worker can be thinking about her new date, while thinking about a case she is working on while answering the phone.... and me well that gets a bit interesting. I can be thinking row row row, while rowing my canoe while at the same time thinking what am I going to do about such and such, and wow look at that a loon over there, and also think that boater got too close to me I better move on over....

I do get mental fatigue now but before I was integrated no i never did. when I woke up i was fresh and ready for the day. I thought it was cool how other parts of me could do things when I wasnt aware, get things done that I could not handle and I could continue on as if nothing was happening. even those I was co conscious with I didnt get tired because I was having my dissociative symptoms of numbnss, spaced out and mentally disconnected from the physical aspects of what my body and brain were doing.
I can understand that.....but it still perplexes me how a singleton can stay in track of multitasking. When I multitask : memories are missing, nothing is connected, everytask feels like it’s own job, I live in the now, the last five minutes don’t exist because a part switched it from like focus concentration to a human encounter then lost again (more than just being distracted because that moment is missing)...

I feel that most of my energy expended is trying to appear normal....to function as normal, searching and trying to keep a narrative amongst the parts in the public eye normal looking.

It’s very noisy in my mind...I guess the farce of living takes its toll on my energy level and mental capacity to look “together”.

It’s everything actually. Sigh.
Thanks for this!
amandalouise