I find your situation so similar to mine..........amazing. This may be lengthy because your post just touched me. As you see on my ticker signature.....I've been sober for about 4 days. I am what I call a no holds barred binge drinker. I love beer, I love whiskey, and while I know what tequila does to me (terrible hangover) I used to still indulge. Yes, the WANT to drink is still there, and always will be.

While I am still in the very early stages of not having a drink I think about having a life TOTALLY without alcohol. It seems so foreign & strange. I think to myself "How do people go their whole lives without a drink?". But, on the flip side - there are people who do it EVERY DAY. You will find many of them on here. This is a great place for private, positive support.

As for AA - I totally understand your fear. I refuse to go in the small town I live in because "Everybody knows everybody." However, I have a friend who is in AA after almost losing his life due to alcohol before xmas and he is willing to take me to his group - which I am grateful for. I say give them a call - see if there is a person there of your same gender that you can talk to over the phone about support for coming............great thing about a phone - they have no clue as to who you are. Incognito.

If when you are sober you are thinking about what alcohol does to you -then there is a problem. I was a night and weekend drinker too. Just like you. Drink til' its gone....thinking that if it was all gone I would not drink the next night. WHATEVER..There's a store on every corner. I have a half a gallon of whiskey on top of my fridge. In these four days it has not even tempted me in the least bit. I think I have really stopped caring about alcohol. I keep it in my mind how crappy I would feel the next day if I took that drink. How my job performance would be terrible, and how I could hurt my family and friends.

I say you call AA - see what they say. If there are no gender alikes there - try another. If one on one counseling is up your alley and you can afford it - try that. If PC helps you use it. BUT - I don't advocate doing it on your own - as alcoholics - we are our own worst enemy. We can manipulate ourselves and our brain into anything as we see fit. Sometimes we need that outer voice to help us. Don't be afraid to ask. I think you will be glad you did.

I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart!