Blondie and I played a board game in session today for a bit (something about code-breakers). It was surreal -- I have rather hellish memories of so-called "fun" times with the family. So, it felt really odd (not in a bad way) to hang out and do something stupid and silly like that -- turns out Blondie's powers of concentration are limited.

I asked her if she thought I had cyclothymia (I've been reading up on it and some of it fit) -- she did the usual hemming and hawing and told me I present with trauma and she relates all of my stuff to that. Think she largely went down that road because she suggested I could take mood stabilizers and I totally refused to take meds.

I told her I've been feeling like everything is effing bleak and my sudden unfathomable bursts of anger are a defense against going down that road again -- we talked a bit about it but I still don't think (even after a year and a half) she sees how low the lows can be. Probably coz I always present as rather solid in session.