thank you everyone! it means a lot to me - it really does.


for my whole life it's basically been just me -> I've held myself together and been the one to pick myself up, though sometimes it takes a while. never been hospitalized or had s.a.'s. but I've wondered what will happen when I can't do that anymore.

and I'm seriously concerned that this may be the 'straw that broke the camel's back' (so to speak)! that this might be the one I can't pick myself up from!!!

and the part of me that's been alone for all this time, might override things and keep me from reaching out. the thing is, basically my entire family/relatives are all "paired", everybody has somebody- except me!!!

that's who my Grandma was to me! she is who I spent my holidays with: easter day, thanksgiving day, christmas day, and I'd even bop in on new years eve/day! plus I would get her one of those chocolate roses each val-day!! and out of 11 grandkids, I was the ONLY one who would remember Grandparents Day!!!!! (the others thought mothers day was good enough) and so I'm kinda terrified what this is gonna do to me...