@Seesaw

I thought more about this.

You say you are not able to do all you want to do right now. But you have very ambitious plans compared to that. I'm the same, yeah, but I'm thinking now that while I can't see how I've actually REALLY moved from my current level of functionality, I shouldn't jump into too many ambitious goals.

I did that recently and now I'm very near crash and burn right now. Maybe you were following my "unsolvable situation" thread, you've seen my crisis in that case. Oh wait, crises because the first crisis was soon followed by a second one. And between the two crises, I was feeling like I was more functional than before but even that was not actually true, I was deluding myself a bit but I noticed that pretty soon.

And now, I'm past the crises but I've not recovered yet mentally and I've (right now) just gone through a very stressful hour trying to work (I did complete the job but just with luck!).

(And lol I can forget about training hard (sports) this week. Oh man, I already had to let go of that last Friday. Again. Not for the first time. Now I just want to do very easy 20-30 mins a day, or not even that.)

Do you ever have this issue when working? If not then I hope you won't run into this, if you try to take on more according to your cool ambitious goals.

Don't do the same stupidity I did... Stupid because I saw before that if I push myself a bit more by taking on a bit bigger project, I fall apart temporarily and is very hard to complete it then. I did complete them though but still... So why on earth did I think that simply by choosing an otherwise very motivating goal will fix it all?!?! Yeah, please, I don't think for you it will magically fix all of it, either.

Also now I recall you said somewhere that you have to schedule everything incredibly strictly and have to pay incredibly close attention to working according to your current capacities. Sounds like a carefully set up balance which could be overloaded if you step ahead too fast now.

So yeah, my suggestion: get proof that you are able to move beyond your current functionality level. Then when you have that, take on the ambitious goals.

Btw I calculated my functionality level to be fluctuating between a GAF score of 51-60 and 41-50. To be honest, I'm only over 50 if a part-time job counts lol. I still cannot hold a full time job, no (even though I've finally got the desire for it). So basically I am over 50 when I am able to work. If I do not take on too much I am consistently able to work. It used to be worse. I dipped below 40 with the crises now and it was pretty bad trying to get to work this way... lol and I have to try and do way more work now because I got too ambitious recently and took on too much for my goals. (I come from a level below 30, btw. So I should be happy with 50+ for now, I mean, if the part time job counts for that.)

So again... I really suggest you stop a bit and think and be patient before you possibly get f***cked like this. I'm going back to trying to work now on another project now.... After a bit of management of myself to feel a bit calmer mentally and all. Because this piece of work even though easy normally, was incredibly stressful mentally and emotionally.

I wish you luck!!