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Originally Posted by prefabsprout
Seesaw, apologies for not particularly helpful reply I'm not doing too well at the moment but wanted to add "I hear you" to this.
I am no where near as accomplished as you but I built a lot of my recovery from a bad depression around certain structure, a chunk being exercise and was a pretty hard task master on myself.
In my case I think a bit of this 'driven thing was part of my identity like Wolfgaze says. Also, and this may or may not be true of you, I was afraid to let anything drop because if that happened I feared the chasm of depression would open up again. With me it was fear governing a lot of my schedule.
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Same, except for me the fear is the chasm of schizoaffective-psychotic depths again. Though ironically enough, I've almost fallen back into it when trying to not let things drop now.
Hm, as for the identity thing, for me it's more like, I just do not want to be stuck in the mental illness anymore. (Also the goals as explained below.)
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Originally Posted by wolfgaze
Temporarily disregard all of the external circumstances that you just mentioned. Take them out of the picture - the details/specifics are not the heart of the matter...
What do you feel is the actual source of these particular expectations that you hold and keep for yourself? What is it that you feel you will ultimately gain/secure by holding onto these expectations and maintaining the same relationship/orientation/attachment to these expectations? When I say 'the actual source', it's something which transcends the practical matters of everyday 'human life' (like earning a paycheck and paying living expenses)... What do you feel that is? What is the driving force behind this?
(I don't want to influence your answer by giving any examples at this time)
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I know you weren't asking me but since my situation is so similar, maybe you don't mind this... My driving force: go on with life, achieve the old almost forgotten goals, they are definitely part of ME. Like I said in my thread to you recently, I don't really have a "transcendent" mind, but this thing makes me feel like I transcend everything with it. These goals.
The other, more negative driving force: do not slip back into the depths of mental illness.