I'm sick of these emotions. I'm tired of these deviating me from what I'm trying to achieve. I end up on Youtube so I could delay loathing myself and feeling like a total failure in every sense of the word. I'm not brave enough to off myself. I just wish there was a way i could induce something like alexithymia so I could just get a relief from all this. The emotions are my problems, I just want to get rid of them. I don't care what they do to me as long as I don't flunk my bachelor's degree another time. And as long as the stuff I do in my daily life doesn't change.