I have put so much time and energy into understanding and just payig attention to my ‘every mood’ that Im just tired of it. Im tired of trying so hard but feeling like its just never enough.

Im wondering if I just stop focusing on my illness- if I just push it to the back of my mind- well... maybe Id just be less stressed out and able to function better. If I stop thinking ‘oh no maybe I shouldnt do that because Im bipolar’ maybe if I instead just DO it and just- pretend Im normal... maybe that is the answer.

I realize this sounds stupid and messed up. But maybe Im over-idenftifying with being bipolar and I dunno- maybe its stopping me from living.

Its been so hard and Im tired of everything always being so important and challenging. Maybe if I pretend long enough- maybe Ill be ok.

I dont know. Im thinking about it.