Yeah. I have one friend. I used to have more but I ignored them and went into hermit mode for a few years and now I fear Ive lost the capability to form relationships with people. I feel so... ‘other’. And Im just tired of feeling so alone in it. I dont want to be alone.

I want to some day be able to love someone and have someone who loves me. I want to have a house, a job, a family- be able to travel and just live a life that matters and that Im proud of.

But I dont know if I can. My mental health conditions make everything SO hard. And I try SO hard just to function a fraction as well as it seems most others do.

I dont know. I guess its a good thing. Ive moved on from the basics- becoming functional again, fighting suicidal impulses, understanding my moods... that now- I mean. The new thing to focus on is... being something besides just... my illness.

I just want to be able to let myself BE FREE without having to worry so much. Im going to work on it