I may be wrong, but throughout your post (which talks about past and present) you seem to be indicating that you’re ashamed of your struggles. Ashamed of the fact that there’s this “other part” of you. Is it possible that this shame has lead you to attach your self esteem to your academic success?

If so, it would make sense that things would start to feel like they are crumbling around you if you felt your academic career was in peril (because then it would feel like your whole identity and self esteem were under attack).[/QUOTE]

I think it’s true that much of my self esteem is wrapped up in my academic success...which isn’t healthy. It’s extremely hard for me to get out of the habit of doing this but I know that I can with consistent effort. Thanks so much for the insight!