Quote:
Originally Posted by *Laurie*
I feel bad for you because I know very well that feeling of being obsessed with needing something right now - even if it's not necessary to have it this minute (or you might not need it at all).
This kind of thing happens to me throughout my life. It's annoying, like a mosquito buzzing around me constantly.
I'm a very patient person until it comes to obsessing over something I MUST have or do. For example, it used to be coloring my hair. I'd get an idea of a certain hair color and I would have to act on it immediately. If I had to, I'd overdraw my bank account to buy the supplies I needed. Anything...I just had to color my hair.
Right now I have a small finger tattoo that needs to be touched up. I won't have the $50 to have the work done until this week-end. I am going crazy over this. I feel a consuming NEED to race over to the tattoo shop RIGHT NOW. I HAVE to do this!!
I'm not sure what this kind of thing is about. It feels like an obsession to me. Even if I don't want to think about it, I cannot stop thinking about it. It's almost always a "first-world problem" - something, some kind of luxury, that I am wild to GET. In a way I feel ashamed of the behavior, but in another way the behavior seems to be part of a mental health disorder, something I cannot control, that my mind refuses to let go of. Like OCD. UGH. I hate it.
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yeah this is pretty much how I feel. although as I mentioned this one feels a little different, Like it has meaning to it? maybe I imagined myself being happy and all with it. cause I could really really use an escape in my current situation
I do have Autism spectrum disorder though, maybe it's that? (or Asperger's if you look at it that way)
It's funny how I wanted to be like "aww don't worry you don't have to be ashamed you're not doing this on purpose" but when It's my turn I tell myself that I'm an awful person and I don't even deserve the thing I want :\
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I hate myself
It's a curse to be transgender