Uhmmm I've no idea. but I was checking my chat history with my Girlfriend.

it just slowly for some reason started with a little crush on the the thing I want (it's a Nintendo switch BTW :O) and then it started becoming obsessive and causing me pain and all D:

it's funny, How the gray option is like 40% less appealing to me than the colored ones?! why.... specially the neon pink and green ones c: they're cuuuuuute. Ugh, and they're only available separately, and if the joycons didn't deattach from it and didn't have that dock It's be like 80$ less appealing, it's funny how I wouldn't even want a better version of it. I want the switch! Not a ps4 or any other console that probably has more use for me. or even a 3d printer that I could use a lot actually! (i do electronics stuff and a 3d printer is super handy) just the switch! And I lost interest in basically everything else after I became obsessed.

maybe I don't know It's somehow linked with my constant need of prooving to myself that I'm a girl or feeling like one :?

or maybe it's linked to my GF basically not talking to me for a day because when she got her's she was too interested?

maybe I can't deal with the fact that my GF has both the estrogen and The switch that I want so badly while she was far less excited for it? I mean I'm not even slightly mad at her! Only a little for the day she just didn't talk to me at all, but just a little for that, I'm glad that she got it but maybe somehow I'm jealous? maybe not jealous but envious?

My brain is a huge mess I have no idea what's even happening up there, It's like a totally separate person doing it's thing now.