This sounds crazy but I genuinely believed this was a dream for such a long time!? I only really realised it was real a few years ago. At 11 I would stay at my.cousins house, he would take me to.his room to play games / movies etc. We were close and just got on well regardless of age, yet now I think about it maybe the friendship was fake to get to me like this.. I wasnt raped but he told me to do stuff to him it was a game as every sick abuser woild say, he would tell me (disgusting to say) suck it like a lolly I even remember him trying to get me into a rhythm. Its vile to.think now I found it as normal. It happened ona few occassions but I dont recall him ever touching me. I hate the sight of him.now and tbh, I dont think ive ever dealt with it.. I didnt go througj depression, self harm. Anything like that, so im worried negatively it hasnt affected me unless I think about it. All ive dealt with is GAD and an eating disorder a few years ago.

Can someone tell me im not vile to not get affected so horrifically by it. I just hope it doesnt hit me later on, (im 24 now) Ive only told a few people but not my parents and it hurts me to think I never could as it would tear our family apart and my dad would end up in jail for killing him practically.

Do I just leave it?! What do I do