Though you are struggling with this--all your emotions are legitimate and acceptable. I think one of the purposes of a funeral is to make someone's passing seem real. Death of your friends and dear family is the worst thing about life. The finality of it all is sad, shocking, can make you angry or want to suspend disbelief. Any emotion you display is understandable. Your feelings about your grandma are complicated (no one relationship is exactly the same). Grandma's are so important--so many of them fill in where our mother's lack. Thank goodness she was part of your life.