Welcome to Psych Central.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. First things first...do you have a therapist? I ask because it sounds like you're having a lot of distress, but it doesn't sound like you have a lot of support, which is hugely important. PC is a great resource, but definitely no substitute for professional therapy.

I don't know that I have a lot of advice as I'm just out of a tough relationship situation myself. The best thing I can tell you is that if someone is making you feel badly about yourself on a regular basis, it is not a healthy, loving situation. Yes, couples fight. Yes, they go through rough spots. Sure, sometimes people say things they don't mean. However, this goes beyond that. What you are describing is verbal and emotional abuse, and it is designed to make you feel worthless, confused, and to wear you down mentally. The other component is the bargaining: "He's not that bad," "If I leave, the kids won't see each other." But, if you stay, it's not likely to get better, and if you stay, the kids will see him treating you in this manner, and will learn that it's okay behavior in a relationship.

The fact that you are here means you know, in your gut, that something isn't right. I did the same thing before things in my relationship ended...posting about his behavior, trying to gain support for the rationalizing I was doing in my mind.