This is an interesting discussion. I'd like to join for as long as I can hang with ya. You two tend to go over my head sometimes :-). Locus of control and Western vs. Eastern cultural differences is a bit of a stretch for me, but here is my initial response.

I tend to think I judge myself as if I am the only one affecting my world or at least my response to it. If I am have trouble doing something or with some one, I assume that it is because I am not: doing something or approaching it correctly, working hard enough, smart enough, caring enough, etc. Personally I'm OK with this, BUT I need to apply this same perspective to my accomplishments as well as failure. I tend to see many of my accomplishments as luck or impossible without the help of others. Basically if I am personally responsible for all my shortcomings I should also accept responsibility for all of my strengths too. I don't do the latter very well.

Like Alex, I often see asking for help or feeling like I need or want something as a flaw or weakness. I think this creates a lot of problems in my interpersonal relationship. I think sometimes people NEED to help us as much as or maybe even more than we need to be helped. By denying loved ones this opportunity results in a lose-lose situation. I haven't been able to correct this conflict. Also, there are times when I could really use the help and support of others, but refuse to ask for it and things get a lot worse than they really need to be. I see this as a flaw as well (e.g. arrogance, pride, unwillingness to accept there is a greater force at work in the world, what ever).

I like the perspective of inter-dependence. As long as I feel like I am able to make a significant contribution in a relationship, I think can accept help and support in this type of interaction. However I think in inter-dependence the contributions from each person in the relationship needs to be viewed as somewhat equal. I could accept ...say being a stay-at-home mom, if both my husband and I both saw our contributions to the family/society as somewhat equal (different but equal in some way).

I think I have this kind of inter-dependence relationship with a few friends on a small scale. We each are somewhat inter-dependent on the other for certain things-but as long as it is somewhat balanced it seems OK. I like this concept and would like to expand it.

However again my fear of becoming DEPENDENT on another person inhibits this.