Welcome to PC.

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. What happened?

Your mention of wanting to come off of hormonal birth control reminds me of a thought I had after my first child. I was miserable in my marriage and the life we were leading and pointed the finger at that as opposed to working on myself, my people pleasing, stuffing down my emotions, purpose-less driven life feeling that I was grappling with. Disappointment with my own life. Fretting over how nothing was turning out how I ever imagined.

I'm not implying that's what drives that decision. I am seeing words and expressions around that that brought that to mind. Grief and mourning can last a lifetime and can seep into day to day living in most unsuspecting ways wreaking its own havoc at inopportune times.