Quote:
Originally Posted by Under*Over
I have put so much time and energy into understanding and just payig attention to my ‘every mood’ that Im just tired of it. Im tired of trying so hard but feeling like its just never enough.
Im wondering if I just stop focusing on my illness- if I just push it to the back of my mind- well... maybe Id just be less stressed out and able to function better. If I stop thinking ‘oh no maybe I shouldnt do that because Im bipolar’ maybe if I instead just DO it and just- pretend Im normal... maybe that is the answer.
I realize this sounds stupid and messed up. But maybe Im over-idenftifying with being bipolar and I dunno- maybe its stopping me from living.
Its been so hard and Im tired of everything always being so important and challenging. Maybe if I pretend long enough- maybe Ill be ok.
I dont know. Im thinking about it.
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I don’t think that anyone is able to pretend that they’ve no disorder, but I think that your “wondering if I just stop focusing on my illness,” might be an excellent idea.
Some people, diagnosed with mental disorders, create a kind of life doing nothing but intently focusing upon their disorders, medications and other treatments. I’m always amazed that these folks can rattle off dozens and dozens of meds taken over a decade and can recall exactly how they fared on every single med.
No need to pretend but no reason that you need act impulsively, either. Try to stop focusing on your disorder and just remain aware of it — don’t ‘just do it’ without quickly processing the speech or actions through a filter of your disorders. That doesn’t mean focusing, just awareness.
Good luck — I think that your confusion could be your redemption.