It's 1 am here, and Icant sleep. Wonder if my T is sleeping soundly . Once he said he never thought about work once he left the office for the day, but once he said of course he thought about his work.

We had our worst session ever today. In a way, I feel I have been forthcoming, vulnerable , and honest like he has been working on me to be more of - it is up to him to do his part.

He knows I have never missed a session, and I told him things felt destructive, and that I was going to take off this next session tot try and find balance and breathe. It worries me it is almost acting out,andI have schooled myself not to ever do that. I feel like it is all falling apart.

He said it is my time, and I can use it how I need to. I told him I used to feel boundaries and caring in equal measure, but now I felt the boundaries but not the caring. He mirrored me back: you felt I left you without a net after the last sessions, you feel you're just a generic patient when were not talking about horrible things and I lose interest.

Then he gave the five-minute warning and I walked out right then. So unlike me- my own behavior bothers me too. Can't sleep. Isnt therapy supposed to help?