I look at it from what I want, my own goals. I have a hard time wanting anything because I spent so long just working to thwart my stepmother; no good grades, don't take care of self and look as good as possible, don't date or make friends, etc. Whatever she was wanting for me I was subtly (unconsciously too) undermining. I have to bounce off the outside locus of control to get any sense of myself. I'm "not" it rather than am myself.