well, part of the issue is that she isn't in the lead, nor should she be. i do not want nor mean to be oppositional, but i have to ask why did you go to therapy? What did you want or hope to do? What is it you want now? What end results do you hope for? Why do you have trouble letting go? What would you like to be able to do instead? Why does not being in control worry you? What might happen? What might not? Why do you think you're a freak? WHat is your definition of freak? How did you develop those feelings? If you answer these questions for yourself then that is your lesson plan.

i don't think you're a freak. i do think you're right about the letting go and trust and stuff... i think not feeling "smart enough" to just figure it all out or think your way out of it is in there too right? Knowing something intellectually doesn't necessarily mean you can just fix it. That part takes time.. a lot of it sometimes.. it takes patience and trust, not in the T but in yourself. You have to believe change is possible and that you deserve to be as happy as anyone else.

we lie to ourselves.. in defense against pain usually. We trip ourselves up. A T can help that part... to help you see the lie vs reality, or how a pattern is present and maladaptive to your current life. They can try to help us learn new methods of doing things and support those efforts until we have them mastered.

THOSE are the things to relate yourself to... The unhappiness now, that lost feeling.. of course you are going to feel that doing this was a bad idea, etc. i never ever ever tell anyone to go into therapy. i also never tell anyone that they made a mistake by doing so. When we work on ourselves our T's are kind of like a truth mirror.. when we are lying to ourselves they are supposed to help us see that.. and not by just saying it to us, we need to be gently prodded around to finding that nugget ourselves.. cuz for whatever reason one design flaw of humanity is that we don't engrain anything of that nature that we don't discover ourselves.

a lot of us end up feeling unhappy or unsure or both, and for an extended period... we wade into internal waters that we aren't familiar with and we don't like what we learn about ourselves. i don't like finding out that i'm not the independent, in control person i imagined.. i found out i jump from person to person hoping to find approval that i didn't get when it was crucial. Sad eh?

thing is, it isn't the therapy that is the source of unhappiness IMO, it's what we learn about our world/self view. It's like having to feel pain to have a broken bone reset.. i would imagine that when the doctor is moving that bone around the patient might wish he/she had not chosen to have it seen to.

ignorance is bliss.. or it was.. can't undo what you discovered about yourself and others around you. You can be happy again tho.. and as idiotic, trite and off-handed as it sounds, all i think you have to do is to stop trying to have every detail worked out before you get there. i know.. easy to say. Once you have the process all figured out... you'll be there. i think therapy is a mystery insofar as we are mysteries to ourselves.

(again Mckell, no intention of being pushy or anything k?)

forgot to address this... about the school analogy.. i do go to my profs, about the material, but not about approach. i go and i say "i do *not* understand what Baudilaire is saying, i'm over my head..." i don't wish i'd not gone to school, just to stick with the analogy. And since we're there... are you asking that teacher about what you are struggling with? Are you saying clearly and directly that you don't understand the lesson plan? If it is something that is deeply important to you, especially in making you feel more stabilized in doing this... then ask. Direct. What could happen?