I had an episode of mania 2 months ago. I was very happy; colors were so vivid! Music was playing in my mind all the time and I could listen to it. The music was perfect! Every note, every tone, ecstasy!

I was also very irritable, then enraged. Arguing with people online and IRL...I was sure that if everyone only saw from my perspective they would see the truth.

And so on.

I knew I was going out of control. My pdoc put me on Lamictal. Within a week I was calmer, more stable. Within 3 weeks I was very calm and stable. By the time I reached the dose of 150mg/day I felt "normal".

And every morning I am sad, even somewhat depressed. The world is duller. Chores and doing the stuff I have to do to get through the day are priority. The rain is somewhat annoying, instead of a cause for joy. I feel rather hopeless. Defeated.

My pdoc, when I told her, wants me to work on this with my therapist. I am doing that. So far, meh.

I have even thought of stopping the Lamictal, just to see what happens. But then of course, I would have to do the slow titration back up to a full dose if I have to restart it.

I am still painting, but the colors are harder to come by.

That is all.