Thanks to all of you on this thread. Thank each of you for the empathy and suggestions.

It seems to me that controlling the mania without dealing with the depression is skewed. I'll see my pdoc next week...if I'm still having this depression I want her to address it. I don't think just telling me to "work on it in therapy" is a sufficient answer. Feeling like a half-asleep blah-thing isn't better than mania I just feel like I'm controlling the mania to please everyone else, you know, so I play well with others