I have had similar experiences with my t, like the soccer and the dog and getting a glimpse of his "nasty neighbor" side. Learning to tolerate those uncomfortable twinges and still hang on to the relationship with the imperfect human has been the work of my therapy.

This was important because acceptance by my FOO was dependent on my being perfect, which was of course impossible, and therefore i was never acceptable. Then i applied those same standard to others. Are you applying those standards to him?

Re the soccer - 1. You were telling him your experience. He was holding a boundary and rightly so by not VOLUNTEERING anything. Otherwise it would have been intrusive. 2. Did you ask him about his? Rather than blaming him for withholding, i would ask why you were reticent. This was especially difficult for me to overcome, given my FOO.

I realize i may be way off in my speculations here, as our backgrounds/FOO and sources of trauma are so different, but i thought id give it a shot