I think your subconscious is upset about something, but your conscience doesn't know what.

Maybe you can figure out what your subconscious wants and why. I know that finding out "why" could he upsetting, but you deserve to know how to combat these thoughts. You DESERVE to be healthy and happy. You DESERVE to get better.

But that's just my interpretation, as I've had suicidal thoughts out of boredom and it turned our that my conscience wasn't understanding my subconscious, if that makes sense?