I don't really know what to say because everyone in this thread had given good replies. Hopefully your pdoc can help you, though. And like I told Halliebeth in another thread, you DESERVE happiness and healthiness.

I think you'll be alright in the long run, because you're doing all the right things, including reaching out for help when you need it. Support of any kind (including here and your pdoc) is invaluable to people like us. I think support is half of the treatment for bipolar, or at least it is for me.