I think I’m up to 21. They didn’t always help. My problem used to be that I just kept pretending everything was fine until I broke and did a grand gesture of self harm. I also loved the hospital. I loved the safe feeling I got there. I could be my regular self and not hide or pretend. So I used it as an escape. I don’t usually do that anymore. This past hospitalization I tried very hard to stay out but unfortunately wasn’t on the right meds and went psychotic. When I’m psychotic I go willingly because I’m so terrified. I was in a terrible hospital this past time, but they got me on the right AP at least.