Welcome Pluto
It sounds like you are really struggling. This forum can be a great source of support. Have you looked at the other subforums besides this one? I find a lot of support on both the depression page and the psychotherapy page. On the latter there is a "couch" thread where people just have normal conversations so it is a good space to get to know others. I have found simple messages of encouragement from others helps me when I am really struggling.

In your post, you mentioned that sometimes you have a panic attack which means you cannot make it to therapy. Can you call in instead of going in person during these times? I'm sorry to hear that your meds don't seem to be helping with the anxiety. Is this a new set of meds or perhaps it is time to have another conversation with your prescriber.