Yes, I want to rejoin normal life without unremitting fear and having the therapy session intrude into daily life negatively. I cant sleep, and my BF is worried about that which outdone pressure to sleep - snowball.

No,not safe in FOO home. Maybe transference , but I am newish to therapy terms.

I also don't resonate with the whole I am a doctore & therapy is a medical procedure paradigm. It isnt that it is wrong in any way, but it might not be a good fit as the material becomes more and more personal .

I don't feel that trust and bond as much any more , and I am trying to figure out why not and what to do about it, if anything . I miss it. I really loved the discovery process of therapy for a long time, and I still hold my T in high regard as someone of the highest ethics and intellect, but it doesnt feel as safe/right any more . I'm not sure if that is bc the materials more difficult, or because as some posters have picked up over the months, my T can be full of himself ( a quality I find charming too )and very goal oriented.

Today he said he will watch the pacing and pushing too hard . He did listen, and we did talk about the problem. We both like meeting goals and making tangible progress, but if we go too fast, it is me who has to go to work trying to seem normal, and he gets to feel fine. Even that is okay if I can blend in, but what isnt okay is to have tears in the streets or not be able engage m clients and the world. This isnt something I have ever experienced before, and it scares me to feel so exposed . He is the first one to celebrate that he is one of the strictest T's with the firmest boundaries you could choose ,and that might be good for me, but it isnt at this very moment easy, warm,or fuzzy . It might not be easy for him either or he might just be keep it in professional perspective and be unaffected one way or the other- that's the ambiguity BF mentioned.