Hi,

I am sorry for all you are going through.

You are in need of a psychiatrist and/or a therapist.
You need a psychiatrist to prescribe medication and to keep a trained eye on you/your reaction to meds.

Can you see a psychiatrist?

I am very concerned about you. You are in a serious situation and need help.

I don't know what to suggest because I don't know what is available in your small town. If you need immediate help, go to the nearest ER and explain your experiences.

Keep posting. We will try to help.

WC