I'm really sorry you're having this happen. I can commiserate. It's hard when something you've believed in for too long just crumbles away. I've always found comfort in pets. Animals can be much more emotionally available than people usually. Do you have any?

I have had those same horrible heart wrenching fears about everyone just hating me or feeling bad if you were more mean than you meant to be....but you know...we really shouldn't worry that much
You do what you do for a reason...subconsciously you somehow knew this guy was no good...