Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyRae
And this.How were you able not only to know what amnesia was but also to know that you had it instantly?Or to 'remember' that you had it?
The reason I ask is because I didn't know I had even experienced amnesia in childhood. Not until I took a picture in to therapy that was taken after I had left the hospital after being treated for some extreme physical abuse. When I talked about the abuse and showed the picture, I believed the picture was taken right after it happened. But it was obvious from the color of the bruises and how all the swelling was down and it looked like my injuries were almost healed up that it was taken at least 2 or 3 weeks later.
As a child I had no clue I had amnesia, to me it just seemed like the abuse happened and then the picture was taken and that was the entire story. As a child I didn't question where the time had gone or anything, it didn't seem like anything at all. After processing that specific trauma in therapy I did eventually remember what happened between the abuse and that picture, but not as a child.
I didn't create an alter during the abuse but I did experience dissociative amnesia,I think that's what it's called. But I had no clue I did at all.
I am fascinated by this. Can you elaborate please?
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I never knew that I had amnesia as a toddler. I never knew that I had amnesia at all until I realized that I had MPD at the age of 36. My parents did not communicate with me enough, growing up, to even know me or my personality. My Dad never talked to me. My Mom did but it was mostly the same type communication that you would have with a teacher or other adult that you were not closely involved with. For the first ten years of my life I followed my Brother and his friend around like a puppy dog. We never had any conversation at all! He abused me constantly, (physical, emotional, psychological), but we never talked. He never told me why he was mad at me. I never asked. I did not know to ask! My Mom started telling me when I was two and one-half that it was normal for my older Brother to "pick-on" me. By the time I was five I had been totally programmed to accept the abuse. I could not get mad. I only felt extreme grief. My parents never talked to me about my relationship with my Brother.
I now know that I was constantly in a state of mild shock my whole childhood. I had a type of PTSD but it was not from horrible physical abuse but constant emotional and psychological abuse. My Brother kept me so upset that I could not keep my mind on anything. This constant abuse which put me into emotionally sick states of mind may have played a role in the episodes of amnesia.