sujunew,

Above all, trust your feelings. Let them be. Let them flow. Don't try to manipulate them. Then, they will show you your Truth.

Flashbacks are a bit different in my experience. Sometimes they revealed a truth, and I could see/feel that. Other times, a flashback showed a distorted feeling, but I could see that too. Always, they come with stong feelings, too often overwhelming feelings, frankly. Regardless, the point is, flashbacks (for me, and probably you too) are telling you something. Sometimes it's information. Other times it's a feeling that got trapped, but needs to get out so healing could progress. Like, the extreme anger. That image **** trigger warning, please take care of yourself ****

... that image of my fist crashing through his chest -- one who abused me -- and pulling it out all bloody. I know that didn't happen for real. But I felt the rage and the fear and the grief. (It was really bad timing, by the way, I was driving and almost crashed -- not sure what triggered it).

Some advice that might help: When you are struggling to fill in a blank in your memory (I know that frustration, truly -- and I'm sorry you are going through it), don't try so hard to access it. You will tend to become too logical and the feeling that trapped the memory won't come out. Instead, if you want to try to release memories, try this:

Pick up something very basic, child-like, to write with, like a crayon or thick marker. And get some construction paper -- not the grown up, college ruled stuff -- something a kid would use. Then put the marker in the wrong hand, the one you don't write with. Close your eyes. Start drawing or try writing simple statements. Stuff will come out, in time, if not right away.

Hope this helps.

be well,

mtd