I'm not depressed or suicidal.

I just feel that life has been and is too much for me. The stresses of dealing with the illness while trying to work and live life is too much and the future looks so bleak. I have no more hope, no more spirit. Whereas before I was such a determined young woman.... went to an Ivy League school, prestigious grad school, worked for tech startups.

But now it's been about a decade of this fight and I am spent. There's been too much disappointment and pain. I am spent. I feel like I am already dead inside. Everyday I come home from work and just lay in bed for twelve hours until I have to go to work again. Nothing interests me anymore, not even something like reading a book or television because they are all about people whose lives are normal, who have things and relationships I don't see myself ever having again. I can't get myself to do anything that takes effort. I just want relief from this world.

Can I still come alive? Have you come alive again somehow if you've felt this way?