I am so sorry your mom did this to you. She needs to butt out of your relationships. If you can't call her on this then look for the next time she interferes in your life and call her on that. She is ruining the relationship between you and her by acting like this. She needs to understand that everyone expresses/releases their grief differently.

You are talking about it here. Though it is not quite the same (we can't physically hug you) your online PC friends want to comfort you. PC has provided me a bit of friendship and comfort. Sometimes I discuss things here (posts and PM) before I discuss them (or something related) to people IRL. I really don't have friends like I did when I was in high school in college. My husband, daughter, and son are my only constant companions so I can relate to feeling like I lack friends.

You may always have moments where you feel sad and miss your grandmother but time will make those intense feelings happen less often.

I have mentioned this before at PC (either in a post of PM). When my mom died, I cried at the funeral then maybe a couple more times but just buried my emotions as much as I could (there is nothing wrong with that nor was it wrong that my brother and sister were constantly crying for a while. ). This left me at unease for about five years. Then my mother came to me in a dream. In that dream I felt like she hugged me and said she understood my behavior toward her -- that it was OK what I did and that she truly loved me.) I had treated my mother very badly sometimes growing up and when I graduated high school, went to the university that was the farthest away in my state, joinned AFROTC (the military)--essentially left at 18 years old and rarely came home (years and years like when I was stationed overseas for 4.5 years). I should have spent more time with her. Now that I am a mother, I realize how painful this must have been for her but I know she still loved me.

Your mom likely loves you but you must be firm with her and tell her whenever she is not treating you right. If it is possible (I know not all relationships are the same) keep communicating what you believe rather than running away like I did (my mom was anxious, firm and controlling, not abusive). Of course, if she is abusive, then figure out how to run away.

I sort of went off on a tangent here but I feel for how hard it is for you right now. Hugs. I will pray that you will get to the point that your heart quiets and you feel more at peace about losing your grandmother. When we feel bad about losing people, it is because we once shared something special with them. It seems like, in this life, love is not without pain.