I'm in my forties and recently realized that I have a habit of developing elaborate stories or fantasies about people and events, friends, coworkers, partners, news stories, places I visit, etc. Not only that, but I ACT as if these are real and true. Sometimes these stories have bits of truth and accuracy, like speculating about someone's background or how they might respond to a situation. But most times they are not and I find myself surprised when things don't 'go by way' or at least the way of the script in my head.

Most recently I broke up with my BFF in a pretty fantastic way when my fantasy shattered and I realized that we were not as close as I thought. In another situation, I thought a neighbor was being passive aggressive by letting their dog go to the bathroom by my door. Going back in history, I see this as a pattern and not simply a momentary lack of critical thinking skills. The consequences of this are weighing me down and disrupting my life. Not only that, I really don't want to be treating others this way. It gets a bit more serious.

I went to college and took out unrealistic student loans because I was convinced I was successful in my studies and future career. Now I'm barely surviving paycheck to paycheck. I used to watch women with the sense that they were seeking my attention or attracted to me only to realize that it was all a fantasy. Teachers and bosses too. I assumed that was much closer to my bosses and my teachers in college, often thinking I was a peer, or that we could have a good friendship. This was most embarrassing when I asked my boss about getting together sometime outside of work to chat about shared interests.

Anyway, I'm done. I don't want to be like this. Maybe this is normal... And I'm just finally growing up out of adolescent immaturity. It feels like maybe I have a deeper thing happening and I'm not sure what that is. I don't want to live in fantasy.