Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky
Hi Everyone. Thanks for all your responses!
I also get the feeling that she is benevolent (and a gossip). Well meaning, and wanting to know me, and curious (and really, nosy, with poor boundaries). Though she certainly is curious about one particular thing (my employment status). But also I do not trust her. I just don't. I feel quite bristled by these work questions. She is quite social actually. She is with people all the time and I hear her loud voice all the time saying hello to our neighbors, who stop to talk to her: The ones who smoke, I think, actually, who she complained about to me. Perhaps she is just flawed, like the rest of us. Something IS telling me not to discuss this with her, and I know I have that right. I do wish I was more comfortable talking about my situation of disability with strangers. But I am not, and I will not push myself. My problem today was that I froze when she asked me about it. She doesn't seem to have the insight that she is making me uncomfortable. I like FallDuskRain's comment "it's my least favorite topic." I will probably say "it's boring and I don't like to talk about it "next time. I'm not good at always switching the subject though. I sometimes just freeze and cannot think of anything to say except to answer the person's questions.
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I'd say trust your instinct. At first, I was thinking she was probably being motherly and caring. But, I tend to be too trusting and then am hurt and disillusioned when someone uses information I gave them against me.
How did this neighbor get the idea you are job searching? Had you told her that at one time? If not, I get the impression she noticed you're home most of the time, so deduced that you're not working and is fishing for some juicy gossip. I have found that people who are overly friendly tend to be big trouble-makers. Yet, I fall into their trap again and again. And I am like you -- when someone brings up a subject I don't want to talk about, my mind turns to mush so I have trouble changing the subject.
I do like some of the suggestions made on the thread for deflecting Nosy Neighbor's inquisitiveness. It's best not to place a burden of guilt on her by saying, "it's none of your business" or "quit asking me that," in my opinion. Rather, focus your response on your feelings as has been suggested in responses like, "it's not my fav subject" or "I don't feel comfortable talking about it." That way, you won't be hurting her feelings but letting her know how you feel about the topic. If she's truly caring, she will be sensitive to your feelings.
I have never been on disability, but am familiar with the attitude some people have toward people on disability. It's one reason I've avoided going on disability despite having a physical disability (structural and mechanical anomalies in my spine) that limits me in what I can do. I've had people walk away from me, abruptly change the subject or sneer at me when I start talking about my disability, and then (on the job) they coerce me into doing physically demanding work (things they
don't want to do). Once after going to Voc Rehab a 2nd time because I ended up in such a situation at work, I was telling a friend and she snapped back, "What do you think those people think of you, going to them crying, 'ohh, my back hurts'?"
I've suffered more (irreversible) damage to my spine and other joints as a result of being coerced into doing physically demanding work. Now I'm in constant agonizing pain, have developed additional health problems from pain medications, and am severely depressed. It's unfortunate that people don't understand "invisible" disabilities (oh, but the same people have laughed at the way I walk or how I struggle attempting to do a physical task). At one time, I decided that people were just ignorant and that ignorance begets malice. Finally, I concluded that it's the other way around: people choose to remain ignorant because it gives them an excuse to be malicious.
Maybe I'm just cynical, but I do think you should trust your instinct about Nosy Neighbor. She may be bored and looking for excitement by creating dissonance among her neighbors.
