I have to call in April to get an appointment in June. It'll be a new pdoc. I'm miserable and have been for a really long time. Now I'm crying randomly. I'm not suicidal but I don't want to get there. I'm pretty much mute. We're getting into arguments about me being so quiet I'm always on the verge of tears. I haven't showered in over a week and have had the urge to shower. I have to shower by tomorrow. I may just cancel my plans for tomorrow so I don't have to shower. I'm kinda am comfy here but I need to get out of this. I'm to low to pretend I'm not. I'm still doing stuff but everything is messed up. I want to ask for fluoxetine odt but I don't want to rely on meds but I hate just being a shell. I thought I was doing okay. I want to cut and cry and cut and cry and continue until I pass out.