I met with t on wednesday. I showed him my parts journal. He sat and read it. After he read the child part he said "mm.." he read the adult part and said this is great! He said I'm sorry it's been so painful and made a sad face. He was referring to the child parts pain over the boundary changes. He said I do a good job with the adult part explaining logical things to the emotional child part and he suggested I work on the adult part reassuring and comforting the child part. I said like "i understand why you feel that way?" He said yes
He said he got my email about the man online. [Side note: on Tuesday night I sent t an email about a man I have been talking to online for 2 years. I told t that our relationship has progressed into romance and that we
I told t these things are the most sexual things I've done in 8 years, and that I've been wondering if it's bad and unhealthy [the fantasy stuff], and if I am just reenacting traumas I've endured. I also admitted I know it's weird and I hope he won't judge me. I said I feel like this is big and wanted to share it with him, but am also scared to]
So anyway t said he read my email. T said a lot of things about it. He started by saying he wants to caution me about the online thing, but that he thinks this is a very good sign of how strong I've gotten. He said sex and sexuality has freaked me out so much before. He said that he thinks the fantasies are probably more common than I think, even with women who were not abused. He said we'd have to talk more to tease out where it stems from. He said he thinks it's ok and that he wanted to reassure me of that. T said "I'm so excited!!". He kept saying he thinks it's a very good sign!!!
I was so relieved he responded so well and made it comfortable to discuss with him. I didn't feel weird or ashamed at all.
We hugged at the end, during the hug t made the mm sound and said I'm proud of you
I texted t later that day and said thank you for the healing and meaningful session and for making it so comfortable, and that I am excited about my progress. He sent back "yay!"