Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael W. Harris
I never knew that I had amnesia as a toddler. I never knew that I had amnesia at all until I realized that I had MPD at the age of 36. My parents did not communicate with me enough, growing up, to even know me or my personality. My Dad never talked to me. My Mom did but it was mostly the same type communication that you would have with a teacher or other adult that you were not closely involved with. For the first ten years of my life I followed my Brother and his friend around like a puppy dog. We never had any conversation at all! He abused me constantly, (physical, emotional, psychological), but we never talked. He never told me why he was mad at me. I never asked. I did not know to ask! My Mom started telling me when I was two and one-half that it was normal for my older Brother to "pick-on" me. By the time I was five I had been totally programmed to accept the abuse. I could not get mad. I only felt extreme grief. My parents never talked to me about my relationship with my Brother.
I now know that I was constantly in a state of mild shock my whole childhood. I had a type of PTSD but it was not from horrible physical abuse but constant emotional and psychological abuse. My Brother kept me so upset that I could not keep my mind on anything. This constant abuse which put me into emotionally sick states of mind may have played a role in the episodes of amnesia.
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Same here. My father was very something else. Always on pins and needles I was. By the time I got through junior high I was a zombie. When I did graduate, I felt like I lived in a blasting zone all my life that the effects started wearing off in my late 20’s.
For one prone to dissociating, an ongoing, continual, unrelentless, inescapable, abd an unending series of trauma events are bedstones of poly-fragmentation.
This is also c-ptsd to the bone.
There are so many pieces to pick up, it’s a wonder that we can make it through the day, but we have parts that won’t give up while Others just want to die already.
I didn’t truly understand what amnesia was, is, and how it really felt till a few years back. It’s more than not remembering, but also more like not owning the fragment memory- they are so cold an isolated like they belong to somebody else.